Love…we think it is something that comes naturally to us. The feelings of love towards someone.
You feel it, and you give it. Yet, there seems to be discord between people who love one another, be it couples or even parent and child.
Some of these can stem from the way we love each other differently. By that, I don’t mean we love someone more than others, thus causing a bias of sorts.
I mean that we show our love differently, and the ones we love do not seem to receive or feel that we love them.
According to Gary Chapman, author of the book “The 5 Love Languages”, it is because there are “secret” love languages that we do not understand.
I read the book some time ago and thought that what he pointed out made sense. If you haven’t read it, you can benefit from a summary of what it is here.
What Are The Five Love Languages?
People give and receive love in these five different ways. Before we go on and identify which one we and our loved ones are, do take note that we can be a mixture of them.
One may be the predominant language amongst the others. So we don’t need to completely fit into a mould that defines each of these languages.
Words Of Affirmation
For people in this group, love expressed in words is valued, whether spoken or written. They value it and feel love through verbalised words of affection, appreciation and encouragement.
They too express their love for others in the same way — they use words to express themselves to their loved ones.
Acts Of Service
People with this love language feel loved when others do things for them. These are people who believe that actions speak louder than words. They too, often do things for the ones they love as a way to show their love.
Whether it’s doing the chores to ease the other’s responsibilities and workload, or running an errand on their behalf, or even just making and packing a meal for them to bring to work are some of the little acts that are seen as actions of love.
Receiving Gifts
There are some of us who love to be gifted with things and identify with this as an act of love. It is not the value of the gifts that show the love, it is the thought and gesture that goes into the gifting.
It is not about being materialistic. People in this group cherish the process of giving and see the value in meaningful gifts even if they cost next to nothing. Similarly, they too, show their love to others through gifting.
Quality Time
Those in this group perceive love as time spent with their loved ones. Spending time doing things together, talking, and giving them undivided attention without distractions is how they feel loved.
They need nothing else but simply being with and basking in the attention of their loved ones.
Physical Touch
Some of us feel loved when there is a physical connection with our loved ones. A warm hug, a loving kiss, holding hands or even a playful and affectionate ruffling of the hair or a touch on the cheek is very much an act of love for them.
There are some feel-good hormones that are released in our bodies when there’s skin to skin contact.
Showing affections through touch can serve as a powerful emotional connector for people with this love language. Of course, this has to be appropriate physical contact.
Connect With Loved Ones Through Their Love Language
Now that you know of the different love languages, reflect and try to figure out which language is preferred by your spouse, children, parents, and friends.
Yours is likely to be different from theirs. Look back at your interactions and see if this explains why disagreements and discontentment happened.
Getting young children to tell us which is their preferred love language may be tough, as they may not be able to verbalise it well.
You can try taking this quiz to help determine which they are, and shower them with the power of a mother’s love once you have understood their love language :).
Often, we use our own love language to show love to our loved ones. But if they don’t share the same love language, they will not understand the way we show our love.
It is no wonder we think we are showing all the love yet they do not feel loved!
The best way to love each other is to know exactly which language best suits each other and we communicate our love to them using their language, and vice versa.
Being better at giving and receiving love in our so-called native love language may just improve relationships and understanding of each other.