As parents, yelling is normal, and children can somehow push those buttons you never know you had. And before you know it, you are already yelling your lungs out.
There isn’t such thing as the “perfect kid.” All of them talk back, fight and quarrel with their siblings and even ignore their daily chores. Even the most patient parent will end up hollering. Well, let me tell you that you are not alone and that your feelings are normal.
Why do parents yell?
When we feel angry or overwhelmed, we tend to raise our voices. Let me tell you that this rarely solves any situation. Your child may be obedient for, but it won’t make them correct their attitudes or behavior. In short, it teaches them to be scared of you rather than understanding the consequences of their actions.
Children will look up to parents when it comes to learning. If anger is what a child perceives, as usual, their behavior will reflect that too.
Effects of yelling
Majority of us get yelled at before, and you know what it’s like to be yelled at. You know that a loud voice does not make the message clearer. Each time you raise your voice, it will lower their receptivity and disciplining them will be harder. According to research, yelling actually makes children more aggressive, not only verbally but physically. Yelling makes children feel insecure, and it will just scare them away.
Now that you know, yelling isn’t a good thing and that it will not help ease any situation, what if it comes with verbal put-downs and insults? Then that would be considered as emotional abuse. Your child will have long terms effects, such as anxiety, stress, academic problems, low self-esteem and increased in aggression.
How to ditch yelling for good?
By laying down some simple family rules, parents may be less tempted to yell. Here are some rules you can use:
- Give warnings and reminders without using threats.
- Let your child know what you are expecting by using simple statements.
- Tell your child what to do, rather than what not to do.
Here are also some positive ways of disciplining your child that doesn’t involve yelling:
1. Give yourself a timeout
Before you get angry and lose your temper, try to control yourself. Step away from the zone for a few moments and calm down. This way, you will also teach your children about boundaries and healthily managing their emotions.
2. Calm but firm
Address their bad behavior calmly but firmly. It’s normal for a child to misbehave occasionally. That’s a part of growing up. Talking to them firmly will leave their dignity unbroken and instead, you are making it clear to them that some behaviors are not tolerated. Get down to their eye level rather than speaking to them high up or from far away. Also, remember to acknowledge respectful behavior.
3. Do not use threats
Threats and punishments will only humiliate and shame children, making them have lower self-esteem. If you use fair warning, it will help children make better choices.
Sometimes, you will raise your voice, no matter how patient you are and that’s okay! But, apologize to them after that so that they learn that we need to apologize after we make mistakes.
Whenever you are upset, model the same by allowing yourself to cool off. This way, you will not only help them create lifelong habits, but you will teach your children a healthy tool for healthy communication in a family, which is to forgive and forget.
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