Time-Out May Not Necessarily Work And Carries Some Negative Effects

Time-out has long since been used in place of spanking or reprimanding a child who misbehaves. Before we go further to talk about time-out, for the benefit of other mummies who may not be familiar with it, here’s what it is…

Time-out is usually dished out as a form of punishment at a child’s misbehaviour. The child is separated temporarily from the environment where the undesired behaviour has taken place. Usually, the child is asked to do nothing but to sit or stay in a spot.

Pretty much like asking the child to stand in a corner, actually. In a way, it is a form of solitary confinement, even for just a little while.

It was thought that this way of punishing a child was less harsh than spanking and scolding, which can leave them emotionally scarred. But now, studies have shown that even time-outs do leave some negative emotional and psychological effects.

Some Negative Effects Of Time-Outs

1. During time-outs, a child is isolated from everyone. Whilst we may be doing this as a way to have the child calm down from an emotional episode or a misbehaviour, this may not be felt as such. Instead, it may seem like a deliberate act to ostracise the child and can cause them to feel hurt from rejection from their loved ones.

2. It fuels power struggles. The child may fight against being sent away for time-outs. Even when they have been forced into their time-outs, instead of calming down, they may even be festering frustrations and thinking up revenge in that time.

3. It is not a solution to change the misbehaviour because we are not working with the child to make him or her understand it. Instead, we are making them feel like the problem is theirs alone and they need to do this alone, in isolation. Whilst it will end whatever deeds they committed, it is only a temporary measure.

4. TIme-outs also cause some children to have lower self-esteem and have poorer emotional health. During this time, even though it may be just a minute or two of time-out, they do have a negative perception of this experience and may feel alone, sad, humiliated, and disliked/unloved.

5. It doesn’t help the child with handling his or her emotions. Sending the child into a period of isolation doesn’t mean that the child will be able to reflect and correct the behaviour or handle the emotions that caused the scene in the first place. They need our guidance instead.

What’s The Alternatives To Time-Out?

Try time-in. Time-in is when we stay with the child to let him or her calm down from an episode of misbehaviour, and working it through together in a loving manner. 

Source: Positive Parenting Connection

Start by regulating our own emotions to remain calm. Then take the child aside to a neutral spot without labelling it.

Acknowledge his or her emotions by saying things like, “I can see that you’re frustrated…” to let your child see that you understand or are trying to understand.

Then, ask questions like, “What’s making you so angry?” Or “What’s the real problem here?” Give your child the chance to pour it out and hear them out.

This little time-in gives both of you the chance to bond over a negative event, and to work out real solutions and no bad feelings are harboured and carried forward.

This is a great opportunity to coach our little one through times of trouble.

Another way is to try a time-off.

Time-off is when we start to get flustered up, and instead of acting on it, we tell our child something like this: “I’m going to take time-off for a few minutes to calm down. I’m beginning to feel angry, and I may not say kind things when I’m mad like this.” 

Then, you may want to invite your child to do the same by asking, “Would you like to do the same, and take a few minutes to calm down before we talk about it?” This invitation gives your child a chance to learn to regulate his or her own emotions, and you showing an example for the child to follow.

It’s All About Little People Learning To Handle Big Emotions

Misbehaviours are bound to happen with our little ones. It’s all part of growing up and our child certainly has emotions that they do not know how to work through until they have learned to navigate them.

The best thing we can do is to give them this learning opportunity by being their pillar of support through good and bad times.

This doesn’t mean we give in to their misbehaviours. It just involves disciplining by teaching and developing their EQ rather than brandishing punishments and hope they can see their mistakes by themselves.