Long before I had kids of my own, I’ve heard of The Terrible Two’s term and how it struck fear and dread amongst parents.
It sounds like such a wild time! So when my first-born was approaching that age, the same fear and anxiety struck in me, too. It’s only natural to fear for the worst of times, right?
So for mummies who have not gone through this phase (or at it right now) but have heard lots of horror stories, fret not.
Let’s soothe your anxieties about it once and for all by understanding what this phase is about.
Most importantly, how we can deal with it without tearing our hair out.
What Is Terrible Two’s?
It’s around the time when the baby now becomes a toddler around the age of two. This isn’t an accurate way to describe the phase, because every individual is different.
For some, it could be earlier whilst some may go through it later.
So, urban legend has it that during this stage, the toddler suddenly turns into an unruly character, creating chaos all around.
Temper tantrums flare, sometimes meltdowns may set in, rude words, defiant behaviour, well you get the gist.
Why Does Terrible Two’s Happen?
This is not an unexplainable phenomenon.
Simply, at around the age of two is when toddlers reach a developmental milestone.
At this stage, they undergo major emotional, intellectual, social and motor development and changes.
They are becoming more aware of their surroundings and of themselves, too.
They want to understand and for their intentions to be understood as well. However, they may not be good communicators at this stage, where they are still grappling with language.
Finding the right words and ways to express themselves may be a major difficulty. When they are unable to express or make themselves understood, frustrations may boil over, often resulting in tantrums.
During this time, they start testing their boundaries in all aspects, to have a gauge of what’s right and what’s not.
It’s also a test of how far they can go to get what they want and to get away with things. It’s a power struggle stage.
At the same time, they are trying to be more self-reliant. They want to do things by themselves, the way they want it to be.
This may well clash with what they are being told to do. They may not take well to being controlled at this stage as they try out their independence.
In other words, this stage is truly a learning experience for them. Testing out their effects on the world around them.
And it is an important time because this developmental step helps to mould the person that the child grows up to be.
So how we handle this experience for them is important in shaping their traits and values.
Our responses or reactions will set the tone and speed for them to learn through and get over this stage.
They need our help and guidance to manoeuvre through this experiential time.
How To Handle The Terrible Two’s
Now that we have learned what it really is, it doesn’t sound so frightening anymore, does it?
Of course, right now we can be calm and rational about it. Once the child starts acting up and behaving in a manner that upsets us, we tend to react non-rationally when pushed too far.
There’s this quote that I particularly like, and it goes like this:
When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.
– L.R. Knost
Yes, it all boils down to the level of calmness and rationale that we are able to apply when triggered.
It’s definitely easier said than done, especially if our little one creates a big scene in public that causes embarrassment.
Some Do’s And Don’ts Guideline
Each child is different, so there is no handbook on how you should handle yours when negative behaviour sets in.
For one thing, we should avoid labelling the child when reprimanding or correcting the behaviour.
Calling out the mistakes and behaviour works better for the psychology and self-image or esteem of the child.
One of the ways to “diffuse” a frustrated child is to help the child name his or her emotions.
Since the child may not be able to verbalise what he’s feeling, it helps for him to hear that you understand his emotions and the situation that caused it.
When they know that you understand what’s going on with them, it calms them down.
Of course, we need to be calm ourselves. Once the child is calm and willing to listen, half the battle is won.
For some situations and children, not paying attention to their tantrums sometimes works well too.
When we react to the scenes they have created, positively or negatively, they draw on that attention to stretch out the episode.
Testing their limits, remember? Sometimes, the whole situation goes away when they simply aren’t drawing any reaction or attention out of us.
This is not to say we ignore their bad behaviour and leave them be. It’s only a workable tactic to stop a scene, for some children.
Once they have stopped kicking up a fuss due to your “lack of interest”, this is when your teaching opportunity sets in with them.
Talk calmly with them about what happened after their storm has passed. They’re more willing to listen, and maybe even try to tell you in their own words what they went through, too.
It’s Not So Terrible After All
Once we have understood what our little one is going through, and remember this during an incident, we will be alright.
It takes some practising and effort to keep cool and do what’s right for our child, but we will get through it just fine.
We may have heard how monstrous some children were at that stage, but it could be because the situation was mishandled.
Instead of diffusing it, it was fuelled further and things escalated out of hand. It could have happened that way.
Hopefully, this piece of sharing helps you to know that you would be able to handle what’s to come.
And not every child goes through this. Even if it does happen, it may not be so terrible after all.