Understanding children take a lot of patience and cooperation from both sides – the parents and the child. It is not easy, but it needs to be done, especially since the early years of an individual’s life are crucial for their emotional and physical wellbeing.
Ms. Jessica See, a Certified Professional Trainer, Certified Health Coach and the founder of Health Coach International and Health Coach Academy is here to help us understand our children better in terms of nutritional needs, as well as how we can discipline them by using the Nonviolent Communication (NVC).
1. Recently, you did address how to deal with children with tantrums and picky eaters. What triggers these tantrums? (environmental changes etc)
Ms. Jessica See: We’re often so rooted in our perspective as parents that we can forget that picky eating is hard on our kids, too. But the better we can understand what they’re thinking and feeling, how their body feels, the better we can problem-solve and overcome picky eating as a family.
Reasons Why Kids Refused Certain Foods
Here are some possible reasons why they don’t want to eat certain foods:
- I don’t like the way that food tastes or feels in my mouth.
- I’ve never seen this food before and I have no idea what to expect.
- This food looks like something else I know I don’t like.
- I don’t feel safe or comforted by this food.
- I’m worried there’s nothing here that I can eat, and I’ll go hungry.
- I’m embarrassed or ashamed that I can’t face the foods that others are eating
What Kids Actually Need from Their Parents
And because of that, here’s what they need from their parents:
- I need to be assured that the food tastes good.
- I need to be assured that the food doesn’t taste like something else I know I don’t like.
- I need to know I won’t be scolded if I decide I don’t like the taste.
- I need to feel safe or comforted by this food.
- I need to know I won’t go hungry.
- I need control.
- I need to feel good and that everyone is proud of how brave I am.
So parents can respond:
- I know that you have never seen this food before and you have no idea what to expect.
- This broccoli doesn’t taste like (something else you don’t like). It’s actually a little crunchy, and you would love the melted butter on it.
- You won’t be scolded if you decide you don’t like the taste.
- You want mummy and daddy to feel proud of how brave you are.
- Can I get you to take a bite? If you don’t like the taste, you can spit it out into your spit bowl.
It could also be the fault of the parent(s):
- Letting your child snack continuously throughout the day, “grazing” on preferred foods instead of sitting down for planned meals.
- Making separate meals for your picky eater.
- Pressuring your child to eat during meals (this can sound like “just one more bite.”)
- Using food as a reward or bribe for good behaviour.
- Be a good role model; eat the same foods.
2. Continuing from the first question, what triggers picky eating? Do picky eating issues correlate to sudden changes in the environment?
Ms. Jessica See: Some are behavioural issues:
- Picky eating – preference for certain foods, colours, brands.
- Difficulty with transitioning to age-appropriate diet – texture issues.
- Increased sensory sensitivity – smells, temperatures, light.
- Short attention span.
- Limited variety in the diet – stick to ‘safe’ familiar foods.
- Need for routine – eat at a certain place & time.
What could else could be causing childhood behavioural problems?
Research suggests that heavy metal toxicity may be one of the underlying causes of childhood behavioural disorders, including ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, and tics.
*Philippe Grandjean & Philip Landrigan, The Lancet Neurology, 2014 Report
3. In what aspects are considered a healthy baby, in terms of mental and physical?
Ms. Jessica See: Many factors to assess:
Growth parameters:
- Growth charts
- Overweight or Underweight?
Calorific Intake:
- Detailed food history/diary
- Estimate calorie intake & expenditure
Nutrient Intake:
- Look for symptoms of deficiencies
- Blood tests, Bioresonance assessments
4. Children need to be disciplined in order to survive the outside world. How to raise them to understand and follow proper instructions?
Ms. Jessica See: I train parents how to use non-violent communication with their kids.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) – also called compassionate communication or collaborative communication – is an approach based on principles of nonviolence, which evolved from concepts used in person-centred therapy, and was developed by clinical psychologist Marshall Rosenberg beginning in the 1960s and 1970s.
NVC focuses on effective strategies for meeting fundamental needs for all parties – both parents and kids – in a conversation. The goal is interpersonal harmony and obtaining knowledge for future cooperation.
The four components of NVC are Observations, Feelings, Needs and Requests and NVC deals with expressing honestly/receiving empathically through the four components.
So the emphasis here is to observe and understand how the child feels (as well as communicate how you the parent feels), assess their (and your) needs and then follow with a request, not a demand.
5. Children are active and curious. Is limiting them, in order to keep them safe considered a setback to their growth?
Ms. Jessica See: You may refer to the NVC approach above.
6. COVID-19 has turned this generation into a full digital era. Is it healthy to give children gadgets in order to stop them from throwing tantrums? Are there any other ways to calm them down without gadgets?
Ms. Jessica See: Device addiction is becoming a real problem, and often, it is the fault of the parents. Many use this as a way to keep their kids occupied (so they don’t get disturbed).
Well, it is definitely not healthy at all. If you are the parent, you are in control. Don’t blame it on the kid.
Again go back to the NVC approach – what is the real need of the kid? Would it be to be entertained? To feel important and appreciated? (Some feel a sense of accomplishment when they have reached certain levels in a game, for example.) How can you as a parent meet these needs, rather than just put a device in their hands?
7. Parents only want the best for their children. Do parents need to send their children to an education/therapy centre in order to speed up their intelligence at an early age or let them learn at their own pace?
Ms. Jessica See: You need to spend more time with them!
8. Does food only contribute to children’s growth? What type of food do children need in order to develop their growth to ideal height, weight and ideal intelligence?
Ms. Jessica See: Children need these nutritions throughout their growth development:
Basics of nutrition:
- Good eating habits and a balanced diet
- Nutrients required for body functions
- Energy (calories)
- Optimal health
- Growth & development in children
Essential macronutrients & micronutrients:
- Carbohydrates, Proteins & Fats
- Vitamins, minerals, trace elements, fiber
- Water
Carbohydrates for Energy
- All carbs break down into glucose
- Simple vs Complex Carbs
- Can affect mood & behaviours
- Need a variety of complex carbs
- Also contains vitamins & minerals
Fats for Energy and Brain Development
- Eye development
- Skin & hair growth
- Insulation/ body temperature
- Fat soluble vitamins ADEK
- Omega 3 fats – anti-inflammatory; improves mood
Vitamins and Mineral for Growth and Development
- vitamin B – brain function & mood
- Calcium, vit D, magnesium & phosphorus
- vitamin A, selenium, zinc & vitamin C
- Iron, folate, B vitamins – O2 delivery
- Iodine – thyroid function
- Antioxidants
Fibre for Healthy Intestines
- Soluble & insoluble
- Keeps bowel movement regular
- Improves digestion
- Aids in developing good bacteria
- Iodine – thyroid function
- Found in whole grains, fruits and vegetables
Water
- Body is over 60% water
- Dehydration impairs body functions
- Reduces concentration, memory
- Alters mood & behaviour
- Confusion & slow reaction
- Decreases athletic performance
- Adds stress to the body
Most kids do not drink enough. It’s important to know your child’s needs as these may be different from another child. The diet must be individualized depending on:
- Energy requirements
- Any special needs – nutrients, protein
- Activity
- Mechanical issues
- Behavioral issues
I would encourage parents to connect with a certified health coach specializing in children’s health to assess their individual needs.
9. In your field, you must have seen many extreme cases. Can you share any rare cases where you find the children’s growth extraordinary?
Ms. Jessica See: One thing which I have observed and got great success in, is using nutritional intervention in special needs kids or kids with behavioural issues.
Nutrient deficiency is an often ignored area – as parents decide to use therapists or send the child for more classes, etc, which is not bad.
I have found in hundreds of cases, how problems may be arising – mental health, depression, brain issues – simply because of a lack of certain nutrients in the body, massive inflammation happening in the brain that needs to be cleared, overload of toxins and heavy metals, etc.
I have worked with such children and seen wonderful results.
“My son was diagnosed as ADHD impulsive when he was 10 years old. While 2 years on stimulants helped him control certain behaviours associated with ADHD to some extent, it did not help him academically at all. The stimulants caused him to lose appetite and sleep. My son was not coping well in school, failing just about all his exams. These led my son to become more aggressive with very frequent meltdowns and caused him to abscond school. My son also began to suffer anxiety which eventually led to depression.
Providing him with the needed nutrients was the “magic potion” that brought about my son’s amazing transformation. In just 10 days on what was recommended by Coach Jessica, we managed to reduce the stimulants my son was on. The return of his cognitive ability and executive functions became more and more apparent with each passing day.
In just 1.5 months, my son went from failing maths to accomplishing Heuristics maths and he is doing so much better academically. My son is now doing very well in group tuition, something which was not possible before. His tuition and school teachers are amazed at how different my son is in school now, noting that he is much happier, more confident, more participative in class and so determined to do well. Absconding school is not an issue anymore!
His progress has left both his doctors and teachers stumped!
– Sarah Candida, mother of Neil Keshav, age 12 (Primary 6)
10. Last but not least, what would be your word(s) of advice to all parents regarding children’s physical and mental health, especially since the outburst of COVID-19 pandemic?
Ms. Jessica See: Learn and practice NVC – truly transformational!
A special thanks to Ms. Jessica See for her sharing that are surely beneficial for all parents out there. For your information, Ms. Jessica is also one of the speakers at Maybank’s Parenting Webinar Series back in October.
Stay tuned to Mamahood Story for more parenting tips and discussions with experts!