It’s the first step, the first word, the first time your little one looks at you and smiles. Those fleeting “firsts” that make parenting feel like pure magic. But here’s the ugly truth: most parents miss these magical milestones.
In our fast-moving city where deadlines loom and early, hectic mornings are the norm, it’s easy to lose track of our little one’s growing-up journey.
Here’s how Singapore’s work-centric culture is keeping people from truly being parents.
The Invisible Cost of Long Hours
Many parents here spend far more time at work than they realise. A survey found that half of respondents said long working hours were a major barrier to spending quality time with their families.
Another study revealed that full-time professionals routinely work beyond the standard 44-hour week, sacrificing personal and family time in the bargain.
When you’re checking email after dinner, sending one more message before sleep, or prepping for the next day while your child drifts off in the next room, you’re present, but your attention is split.
Those first words, that first independent tumble, or that huge grin when they realise they can feed themselves, they happen fast. If you’re not tuned in, you’ll blink, and it’s gone.
The Things You Didn’t Realise Were Firsts
Some of you may know this story all too well. It’s another weekday; your little one is barely 2 years old. It’s a hectic morning; you get ready, and you feed your little one their breakfast before shipping them off to daycare.
By the time you pick them up after work, the nanny tells you, “He took his first step today,” and your heart crashes to the ground.
Thankfully, she recorded a video, right? But that is an empty feeling compared to the real-life experience of being there. It feels like you’ve just been demoted from parent to second-hand carer.
You might make every PTA meeting, but skip the weekday bedtime chat. You might be there for the first day of school but miss the first time your child writes their name.
These aren’t headline moments, but they’re the building blocks of your child’s confidence and connection to you. Because when work bleeds into home, you trade those small wins for email chains and progress reports.
Beyond Just the Workplace
Long hours are often seen as a badge of commitment in Singapore. Many professionals accept that staying late or responding after hours is simply “part of it”.
One study noted that the cultural expectation of long work hours is so entrenched that employees felt little control over their schedules.
It’s not just about the hours—it’s about the mindset.
If missing bedtime stories becomes “just part of it”, you stop noticing what you’re missing.
Even when the physical commute ends, many parents are still logged in mentally. The tendency to “be available” after hours means work extends its reach into evenings, weekends, and even family outings.
It’s one thing to work hard, but another to let work define when you’re home.
The good news is that things are shifting: the government emphasises flexible work arrangements and supportive workplace cultures for carers. However, policy change doesn’t instantaneously rewrite habits or environments.
What It Costs Your Child and You
Your child may hear their first sentence or ask their first real “why?” question while you’re in a late-night meeting. When you’re not immediately present, the memory belongs to someone else. Perhaps a grandparent, a nanny, a screenshot.
The emotional cue gets split, and the attachment moment weakens.
Over time, this can create a feeling in your child of “You’re around, but you’re not really here”—even if you believe you are.
You’ll carry the achievements of your career but miss the simpler, purer triumphs. And then, there’s the whisper of regret: “If only I’d been there.” Chronic overwork also chips away at well-being.
Research links long hours to stress, burnout, and lower health outcomes. When the “firsts” slide past undetected, the years blur—and so do your memories.
Reclaiming the Milestone Magic
Set Non-Negotiables
Choose one or two rituals that are absolutely yours. Maybe it’s the first ten minutes after you get home, where devices are away and your focus is theirs. Or perhaps it’s breakfast together, with no rush.
By anchoring in small constants, you claim mini-milestones as they unfold.
Be Deliberate with Work Boundaries
Start the conversation: “I’ll check email between 8 a.m. and lunch, but after 7 p.m. I’m home.”
Use the flexible work policies available to you—things like staggered hours, compact workweeks, or telework. When you intentionally carve out time, you reclaim presence.
Look for What Really Matters
What’s the “first” you might miss next? It could be the first time they draw a person, the first time they say “no”, the first time they bake something and sing “Ta-da!”
Often, those moments are unplanned—but they’re equally precious. Stay curious and attentive.
The Firsts You’ll Never Regret
You may have realised that you’ve already lost several “firsts”. But it’s never too late.
These firsts happen everywhere: in the car, on the way home, while brushing teeth, while packing lunch. They aren’t always packaged or scheduled. But they count.
So choose the “firsts” you refuse to miss. Protect them. Honour them. One day you’ll look back at them and know those were the moments that shaped you both.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as medical advice from Motherhood. For any health-related concerns, it is advisable to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or medical practitioner.
For more insightful stories and parenting advice, stay tuned to Motherhood.sg!