Dad says no, mum says yes. How to agree on the rules to be respected?

To agree on the values to give to a child, on the routine, and on the rules is a challenge for parents. Each has his vision of education based on his values and his experiences. However, it is essential to form a team with your partner in the important decisions.

One common goal

It is, of course, preferable to agree on the organization of the routines and on the behavior that you are expecting of your child (e.g.: do not shout, time to go to bed). However, it is normal that your partner and you do not make exactly things in the same way. For example, it is possible that a parent is more patient with the child concerning a specific topic.

On the other hand, if the rules are too different between your partner and you, your child will quickly understand with whom he can more easily obtain what he wants. He might also start insisting or arguing more often with one of you.

How to react in front of your child:

If you do not agree with one way of doing your partner, do not tell it in front of your child. Talk to the other parent alone and agree on how to do it in the future.

Here are some tips to help you if you do not agree on rules and limits:

  • Talk together about the values you want to give your child. This will help you decide which rules you want to put in place.
  • Establish some basic, basic rules for which you will act in a similar way (eg, bedtime, morning routine, etc.). In this way, you will help your child understand what you expect from him.
  • Keep some flexibility for things that are not essential. This will allow each parent to act according to his personality. For example, with dad, pillow battles are permitted; and with mom, you can stay in pajamas longer on weekends.

Did you already face the problem of “Dad says no, Mum says yes”?

 

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