Losing a child can be one of the most painful experiences for any mother. To outlive your own child is not something any parent should have to go through.
And yet it happens more than you think.
There are no shortages of illnesses and circumstances that can prematurely take away a young life. And when that happens, those they left behind are left to grieve their passing.
If you know a mother who has lost their child, here’s how to support them through this painful time.
Be Present and Gentle
It is important for grieving parents to be around a strong support system while they heal and recover. Losing a child isn’t like losing a job or losing a beloved item.
In most cases, it is as though you have lost a piece of your soul.
However, being there for a parent who has lost a child can be a precarious endeavour if you are not used to it.
Instead of trying to fill the silence with awkward chit-chat or small talk, give space for the grieving parent to feel her emotions without judgement, impatience or advice.
In fact, your presence means more than perfect words.
Sit with her, offer a hug, or simply listen. Let her lead the conversation—some days she may want to talk, other days not.
Have Empathy
Sometimes it can be hard to relate to something that you haven’t experienced before. Losing a child or even a close loved one is a personal thing.
The most that you can do is have some empathy and not impose your own views on the topic.
Sometimes all that we can say during times like these is “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “I’m here for you”. It is important to avoid clichés like, “Everything happens for a reason”.
However, it is also important not to force the mother to mention or think about the child if she does not want to.
Grief happens in stages and sometimes those stages can be hard for others to witness or be around for. Sadness isn’t the only emotion related to the loss of a loved one.
Anger, resentment, guilt, denial. There are so many volatile emotions that can come out during the grieving process.
Offer Practical Support
Grief is exhausting. It often takes up so much energy to deal with the pain of a great loss.
For many people going through such a painful process, there is barely any energy left for everyday things like eating, cleaning or even bathing.
Grieving mothers may often forget to do simple everyday tasks because of how much attention their grief demands.
If it is within your ability to do so, help them with the mundane upkeep that they may not have the strength to do so at this time.
You can bring meals, help with errands, or offer to clean the house. These small things relieve pressure during an overwhelming time.
And most of all, do not expect payment or compensation.
Check In Long-Term
Grief doesn’t follow a timeline. Keep checking in weeks or months later, especially around milestones or anniversaries.
If the grieving mother calls or asks for support it is important to try and set aside time to help them process any new developments in their grieving process.
This can be challenging if you yourself are going through something, or have a busy life.
Oftentimes, we do not have the mental bandwidth to deal with someone else’s emotions.
Make sure you are in a good place yourself at least mentally before offering comfort to a grieving mother.
But sometimes something as simple as a call can make all the difference.
Watch Out for Warning Signs
The grieving process isn’t linear. Some days are better than others. You may find that a grieving mother is happy and cheerful one day and then spiral into depression the next.
It is important to give them the space to express their emotions.
Some grieving mothers may have certain rituals or superstitions such as leaving an empty plate out at the dinner table, turning the nursery into a shrine, and even becoming religious or spiritual when they previously weren’t.
However, be sure to notice some danger signs. Some people do not cope with their grief well and may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms to numb their emotions.
This can be anything from alcoholism, drug use, self-harm, gambling, or other new habits that are uncharacteristic of them.
One of the least known signs of someone preparing to end their own life is when they become happy and content out of the blue. They may start giving away their things, or finalising their will.
This is when you may need to intervene and get them some professional help if needed.
A Shoulder to Cry On
Whether it’s a close friend, a sibling, a coworker or even relative, being there for a grieving mother or parent can be challenging.
One cannot always halt the responsibilities of life to lend a shoulder to cry on. But when you are able to help, it is important not to put too much pressure on yourself.
There is no use being a perfectionist when it comes to comforting the suffering of others.
Just by being understanding and patient, you can help a grieving mother navigate the stormy seas of their grief with grace and acceptance.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as medical advice from Mamahood. For any health-related concerns, it is advisable to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or medical practitioner.
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