Rebellion. One of the things we as mothers certainly don’t want to be burdened with. But, our world is never perfect, so it happens even to the best of us.
Even when our child is the most perfect one, there could still be a steak of rebellion sometimes. So, let’s look at some ways to handle a rebellious child when we are faced with it.
Why Does A Child Become Rebellious?
Studies have shown that children recognise their parents have authority over them in their lives. For younger children, they look up to their parents for guidance.
But as they develop, they also develop in thinking and trying to do things their own way.
That’s when some form of rebellion may start to form. Not because they simply want to, but because they perceive us as trying to control their ways as they try on their independence.
As they grow older, they also become more susceptible in questioning adult authority. They also recognise that there is a limit to the authority we have as parents over them. When they feel that this authority is overreaching on them, they start resisting as a response.
How To Handle Rebellion In A Child
First things first, we need to understand that we have to deal with it according to the age of the child. One approach with a teen will not work with a little toddler or a pre-teen.
For example, whilst a heart-to-heart talk and reasoning may work with an older child in teen years, it will not work on toddler and school-goers. They have not developed that mental capacity for this method to work.
Having said that, there still needs to be communication with the younger kids as a way to handle this. Simpler conversations to express yourself clearly is needed.
Let’s say your child refuses to stop playing and go to bed as told and shouts “No!” at you.
We can’t really sit down for a rational heart-to-heart with the toddler on this, but what we can say sounds something like this. “I know you want to stay up longer to play, but we do not shout rudely like that.”
Putting this across instead of “I said you have to go now and don’t be rude.”
What we want is to model a behaviour for our child to follow. This includes not yelling back because that’s how they behave to rebel. When we respond the same way with raised voices, it feels like we are doing the same.
We want to put a stop to it by controlling our emotions, just as we want the child to do the same. Otherwise, it will just escalate into a battle of wills. It’s not about bringing on the niceties.
We can still express in the right manner our displeasure or non-approval. The same applies to the child. Because a child too, is entitled to their emotions, let the child express it correctly.
Allowing Some Amount Of Freedom
We all have certain rules set in place which we want our little ones to go by. However, giving a little leeway or freedom to the child can lessen their rebellious ways.
Nevertheless, we need to have clear boundaries along with the freedom granted, and always stay consistent with it.
In the same example of the child refusing to go to bed, let your child know that if they respond in a proper manner to ask for some leeway, you may offer an extension of 15 minutes more.
Make it very clear that no more will be given and no bad attitude will be tolerated when the final time is up.
Understanding Rebellion Helps Us Handle It Better
There are many factors that can cause a person to be rebellious. It can be psychological or situational issues, confusion of rules, asserting independence or even a lack of control or guidance.
It is normal to face some form of rebellion from our child. If you are faced with a more severe rebellion situation, do seek expert views to see if there are more dire underlying factors and learn how to deal with it appropriately.
We certainly do not want our child to get rebellious to the point that it gets out of hand and hard to handle in their teenage years.
Applying positive parenting and showing our love and support helps them and us as parents to guide their path.