This is something every parent cannot run away from — their children lying to them, straight in the face. Children start telling lies from as early as three years old.
We don’t like it, and it’s something to be dealt with swiftly as soon as you catch them lying.
If they are allowed to get away with little lies, they will soon be telling bigger lies and things escalate from bad to worse.
So how do we deal with children who tell lies?
It Hurts When Our Children Lie To Us
It’s disheartening, and we sometimes feel so down about it, that our child has the heart to lie to us.
Well, for what it’s worth, lying is something everyone picks up along the way.
For starters, telling a little white lie in order to spare someone’s feelings, although is a “considerate” thing to do, is still lying. So let’s take heart that some lies are of good intentions.
So let’s deal accordingly with the severity of the lies that our children tell.
Why Do Children Tell Lies?
For many reasons…
Toddlers usually start to lie when they want to stay out of trouble for mistakes they’ve made.
They want to avoid getting scolded or punished, so lying about their mistakes to maintain their innocence comes naturally to them.
Some children lie to seek attention from others by making up stories.
They could take the form of telling bad stories to gain sympathy or tall-tales to impress and gain admiration.
Some will lie to avoid things they do not want to do, like attending certain classes they have no interest in.
They don’t know how to get out of situations they don’t want to be in, so resorting to lying, if it works, is a means to an end.
Many children also lie in order to avoid disappointment or disapproval of parents who may have expectations that they cannot meet.
Dealing With Children’s Lying Behaviour
When discovering their lies, sit them down to have a serious talk to help them understand a few fundamental things:
- Telling lies is not the right thing to do, because it is a dishonest trait. No one likes a dishonest person.
- Being discovered of telling lies hurts other people’s feelings, as it breaches their trust. Once trust is broken, it is difficult to gain it back. We want to be people that others can trust.
- Lying makes a person feel bad about themselves too, bearing the guilt of not doing the right thing. Some people end up not liking themselves when they feel this way.
Let them understand what lying does to relationships with other people, and to themselves, too.
Everybody wants to be liked and loved by others. This may be a good intrinsic motivation to steer them in the right path and discourage lying.
It’s also useful to have an open heart-to-heart talk with the child. Ask them the reasons they lie.
Encourage them to be open to talk about it. Let them know you want to understand them, and not because you want to reprimand them.
Be patient to get them to open up. It is not easy for a child to speak of behaviour that is deemed to be inappropriate.
They definitely don’t want to be chastised for it, nor to be disapproved of.
It is important for us to let them see that we want to help correct the behaviour, and that they are still loved just the same, if not more, for having the courage to be honest.
There are different ways to deal with children who lie at different ages. Also, studies have found that some children with ADHD are also more prone to lying.
Address Lying As A Behaviour Rather Than A Character Flaw
Even when repeated lying gets you upset with the child, focus on addressing the behaviour.
Don’t launch an attack on the character. It’s important not to label the child a liar. What you call them, they become.
You can talk to them by carefully choosing your words carefully.
For example, instead of saying “Why are you like this?” when you are exasperated, phrase it to something like this, “Why do you choose to lie?”
The former is pinpointing what the child is (a liar) versus the latter that suggests the child is choosing an action.
In this way, you can educate your child that lying is a choice that he or she makes, and not what they are.
Do read more about this distinction from an earlier article here on Mamahood that explains this point further.
Never Overlook This Habit Of Children Telling Lies
When a child lies, as parents, we should never look the other way and let the child be.
It isn’t something that they will grow out of without positive intervention. It is part of our responsibility as parents to groom them to have good traits and values as a person.
Not correcting this, no matter how difficult it may be, will only lead them down to worse paths as they grow up.
It could lead to compulsive or pathological lying. Better to nip it at the bud than let it grow wild into bigger problems.