Effects Of Over-Parenting Children & Tell-Tale Signs Of A Helicopter Parent

In our zealousness to be great mothers to our children, we may not realise that sometimes we may be over-parenting them. Is that really a thing, over-parenting? Well yes, it is a real thing although we may not recognise it in ourselves if no one pointed it out to us. Also known as helicopter parenting or micro-managing, it’s a behaviour described as being excessively involved in the day-to-day life of a child. This is largely due to us wanting to shield them from difficulties, or to help them achieve success. The last thing we as mothers want for our children is for them to be in harm’s way. Yet, when we over-parent, we may inadvertently do them more harm in the long run. Effects Of Over-Parenting On Children Micro-managing our children goes against their natural development. It takes away their experiences and impedes learning how to handle themselves in the world. In other words, we are not helping them with their survival skill, we are taking it away. While it’s healthy to be an involved parent, we need to steer clear of being over involved. Studies have shown that there are effects of over-parenting on children such as these: Signs of anxiety Lack of self-confidence Do not have a realistic sense of the world Feel entitled Tell-Tale Signs Of Over-Parenting Image credit: Pexels If we are helicopter mummies, chances are we won’t recognise it and those around us may not point it out to us. Neither will our children know what’s going on. So, here are some signs that offer a hint that we may be headed in that direction, and we need to take heed. 1. Over-Praising Our Child It’s one thing to let our children know what they are doing well with, but it is quite another to be showering them with too many praises. When we pile on the praises, we are inflating their self-esteem. It may come to a point where they feel that they cannot afford to do anything bad since they are held in such high esteem. They won’t want to do something in which they have no confidence in excelling and thus, lose the praises and adoration. There is peril in offering praises in generous doses to our children, so be mindful of whether our praises are necessary. 2. Not Giving Your Child Responsibilities When we do everything for our child so that everything goes well and all things are in order, we don’t give our child a chance to grasp any life skills. I notice many children today aren’t able to even tie their own shoelaces (guilty mother here!) We need to give them age-appropriate responsibilities as early as toddlerhood. They need to learn coordination, motor and survival skills to fend for themselves as they grow up. 3. Piling On The Extracurriculars How’s your child’s daily or weekly schedule like? On top of school hours, does the child attend hours of tuition and other enrichment programs that take up most of their time? Studies have shown that children who have more free time to engage in unstructured play turn out to be more self-directed. So while we think that all the programs will build their creativity and skills, we may be missing some other important aspects of their cognitive development. 4. Power Struggle With Your Child Do you struggle with letting your child make his or her own choices? Children today are spoilt for choices in today’s world, from what to wear, books to read, games to play and content to watch. Often they would pick what’s fun and entertaining for them, but we as mothers think we know better what’s good for them. Their choices may not reflect what we think is good for them. If we micromanage them, we would tell them so and not allow them to go with their choices. Often this sparks some kind of stress for both sides. 5. Constant And Immediate Interference During playdates or a child’s own play time, a micro-managing parent may step in immediately at the first sign of conflict or problem to resolve things. This doesn’t leave room for the child to learn how to handle situations, emotions and his or her social environment. Overcoming Helicopter Parenting Image credit: Pexels Give children the space to do things their way, make mistakes, and learn from them. Let them take some risks and experiment with their choices. The important thing is to guide them to learn from what didn’t serve them from their experiences. Don’t jump in and make the decisions for them. Let go, take a back seat, observe and be supportive all the way. Remember not to utter, “I told you so” when your child doesn’t end up with the results that he or she wanted by going with his or her own way. Remember it’s all a learning process. We also shouldn’t put our children in the centre of our universe. Don’t pile our hopes, dreams and expectations on our child and expect them to meet our emotional needs. Our child’s achievements or failures don’t validate us as worthy or lousy parents. Happy Child, Happy Parents Image credit: Pexels As cliche as this metaphor sounds, it’s still worth saying. A diamond is created under tremendous pressure, and it needs a good polishing to bring out the shine. In the same way, we learn and grow through rough times. We learn nothing from living a perfect life, in a perfect world. This applies to our children too. Reflect on whether we apply some form of helicopter parenting on our children (I suspect we all do in some ways!) If we do, it’s only because we want the best for them. Recognising this, it’s important then that we step away and learn to let go and relax with our children. We don’t need to be perfect. I don’t reckon that’s what our children are asking of us. They just want us to be there for them, to love, support, guide and be a trusted friend to them too. Nurture a good, healthy and fun-loving mother-child relationship and mind our words so that we foster trust. When they’re happy and healthy, so are we.

More Stories

Wondering Where To Get Kids’ Haircuts? Here Are 10 Kid-Friendly Hair Salons You Can Find In Singapore