It’s a saying that gets thrown around so often you’re practically sick of hearing it: “It takes a village to raise a child.”
Officially known as community parenting, having a ‘village’ to take care of your kids does sound like a cute dream.
It sounds warm; it sounds communal. It promises four extra pairs of hands when yours are covered in puree and existential exhaustion.
Many mums picture a supportive circle swooping in to share meals, rock the baby, and occasionally remind you that you’re doing great.
But more often, “the village” feels like a committee of self-appointed advisers who live for unsolicited feedback.
So before you go searching for your mythical village, let’s talk honestly about what community parenting really means and whether it’s something you truly want—or just something you’ve been told you should want.
The Realities of Community Parenting
The original “village” wasn’t a curated WhatsApp group or a well-meaning parenthood forum.
It was an actual community where aunties, neighbours, cousins and elders shared child-rearing responsibilities because life was structured that way.
Babies were passed around like warm buns. Toddlers roamed freely. Someone’s grandmother watched over the chaos with all the authority of a village CEO.
The ‘Modern’ Village
Fast forward to today. We live in compact homes, busy schedules, and a culture that values privacy as much as productivity. Many mums are juggling careers, caregiving, and trying to keep at least one houseplant alive.
The idea of a “village” now often means coordinating complex calendars, decoding social dynamics, and hoping that someone else’s parenting style doesn’t collide violently with your own.
And let’s be real: when the modern village shows up, it often arrives with feedback and comparisons.
Why Some Parents Prefer a Smaller Circle
Not everyone thrives in a large community. Some mums find comfort in a small, curated circle—people who understand boundaries, don’t judge sleep routines, and don’t make passive-aggressive comments about pacifiers.
A smaller circle can mean less emotional labour, fewer clashing expectations, and more trust.
There’s also the very real concern of burnout. Community parenting isn’t just accepting help; it’s also reciprocating it.
You know what they say: the price of community is inconvenience.
And when you’re already stretched thin, the idea of being socially “available” can feel like one more item on your never-ending to-do list.
A tight-knit, low-drama support team? Sometimes that’s the real dream village.
Choosing Your People Wisely
Here’s the underrated truth: you’re allowed to choose your village. It doesn’t have to be made of relatives.
It doesn’t have to be large, and it definitely doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.
You get to decide who gets access to your child, whose advice matters, whose energy you welcome, and, most importantly, what “support” actually means in your household.
Some mums find their village in family. Others find it in mum groups, colleagues, online communities, or the one friend who knows exactly when to send a delivery of bubble tea.
The most important thing is that you choose people who respect your boundaries and mothering style—not people who want to mould you into theirs.
How to Build a Healthy Village
If you want to try community parenting but want to avoid the usual pitfalls, try these approaches:
Set boundaries early. Make it clear what you’re comfortable with, especially when it comes to advice, visits, and child handling.
Communicate your needs. People can’t support you if they don’t know what support looks like for you.
Prioritise kindness over experience. A first-time mum with empathy is sometimes more helpful than an experienced auntie with too much confidence.
Look for shared values. If your parenting styles clash violently, the “village” won’t work.
Keep expectations realistic. No village can fulfil every emotional, physical, or mental need. Treat it as support, not salvation.
Your Village, Your Rules
The truth no one tells you is that you don’t automatically need a village—at least not the one that’s often romanticised. What you need is support that feels right for you. The kind that lifts rather than drains you.
That gives breathing room instead of pressure. That helps you grow into motherhood instead of defining it for you.
Maybe your village is three people; maybe it’s ten. Maybe it’s just your partner, your mum, and the delivery person who brings you lunch at lightning speed.
Whatever shape it takes, it should be intentional, respectful, and supportive.
So the real question isn’t, “Do you have a village?” It’s, “Do you actually want one?”
And if your answer is “not really”, that’s more than okay. That’s you building your own version of motherhood, one thoughtful choice at a time.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as medical advice from Motherhood. For any health-related concerns, it is advisable to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or medical practitioner.
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